State of Mind ‘Agitated’


An unremarkable photo, yet it immediately brings it all back…

I have an intense fear of drowning, which goes back to childhood. In August 2012, while the world watched the Olympics on our doorstep in the UK, we took off on a whirlwind round-the-world trip and had at this point reached the Great Barrier Reef. I was desperate not to pass my fear to my daughter, so all three of us were poked on a scuba lesson at the GBR. I was terrified for months in advance

The lesson and dive went well until that familiar panic seized me and I had to be helped up to the surface and brought back to the boat by a lifeguard, devastated that I had failed after so much

Later, as we headed back to the mainland we were lucky enough to see whales breaching, then Baz and C went downstairs to watch the video of our lesson while I stayed alone on deck, unable to think any more about being underwater. I sat alone, wrapped in a towel, and cried tears of total exhaustion yet also gratitude for the opportunities given to me

It was only when I could see land that I started to relax