The veil first appeared in my late thirties. It was as useful as it was disconcerting because it gave me anonymity, allowing me to slip outside in any old thing, without make up or concern. I wasn’t worried because I saw other women wearing the same veils, and sometimes they were more obvious than mine. I felt that no-one cared how I looked, but I knew I could still slip off the veil and shine when I chose, be noticeable, and get attention when I sought it
Around age 45 I had a crisis of confidence. I did something unspeakable with my hair and struggled to find a look that suited me. I chose not to be in most holiday photos. Thanks to good friends and Baz I trusted that I would come out the other side of this ‘difficult’ stage, though that perm was nearly a step too far even for him
And yet a cloak started to descend somewhere shortly after that. Minor health issues sapped my energies and my youth. These were of no interest to anyone but me, and there was no advice on what to expect
While running at the weekend I bumped into a much-loved friend I first met when we were pregnant. I nearly walked right past her because we hadn’t seen each other for a couple of years and because she was wearing her full cloak. When I saw it was her we embraced. And then all the tears came – she’s having a tough time
We have birthed, mothered, menopaused. We have neglected ourselves and deferred, trusting that we would one day have the opportunity to re-invent ‘us’ and to peel back the opaque layers that the years have added. After all, we’re still the same inside, aren’t we…
There is still time before I will become completely invisible, but I feel the weight of that cloak every single day. I urge all women to stop your veil from becoming your shroud. Go out and light up that room. What seemed at first like a convenient homogenising layer of welcome soft focus will inevitably become more dense and will obscure you if you allow it
Be you. All the time. Smile, laugh, enjoy real friends and make time to see each other
Poshbird with Passion 
Beautiful writing.
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What a fantastic post and what a brilliant call to arms. It is so essential that we, as women don’t lose ourselves. Don’t lose the confidence to simply be who we are. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a daughter. I am a friend. But as I tell my daughters regularly – ‘there’s a me in here’ …. I too nearly lost me once upon a time. Never again. As Mark Twain said “Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did.” You are a lovely person – burn the cloak and be you 🙂
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Fantastic advice and so important to make our daughters aware, as well as to remember it daily ourselves. I am certainly not ready to disappear! Strength is something to be shared and borrowed between women as needed
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As a child I dreamt of having a cloak of invisibility and one day I found that it existed at will.
I think I often wore that slightly different cloak from that early age. maybe because I was never a “looker” in my youth so I when the years marched on, and the layer you speak of started to descend I knew exactly what it was and from whence it came.
I’m older, so I can say with confidence that it’s fine on the other side , I promise! These days I only get hit on by septagenarians plus, but hey…….
France seems like a great place to be a crazy old lady, keeping one’s sense of self bright and in full focus and living our lives by your last lines exactly as we all should.
I continue to be me everywhere; but more notice it en France.
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I think that women often leave their own needs out of the equation
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I think we are engineered to do this. Sometimes it’s hard to put ourselves at the top of any list.
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Oh I love that poem! I promise I am not sad for myself, just for my friend. It hurts to see her struggling. Yeah, invisibility sucks!!
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Very profound, but sad.
Cheer yourself up and read this poem – you’ve probably read it before but again won’t hurt. Don’t become invisible!!
http://www.luvzbluez.com/purple.html
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That’s funny, I was about to post a link to the same poem. It’s never too early to get the purple out.
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