1995. Boy met girl. Girl was possibly borderline alcoholic but Boy didn’t mind
We made a good team and we knew it. Within a few months we were buying our first flat together. Our lives revolved around work, travel, friends and being in love
Charlotte arrived sixteen years ago and suddenly the well-oiled routine of our lives became chaotic. We hadn’t fully understood the transition from couple to family, and we did not successfully adjust our work-life balance, whatever that actually is. Around this time, vacuuming lost all priority, and we still laugh about the Saturday morning when Baz was cleaning and a 2 year old C came out of her room to ask – ‘Why are you hoovering, Daddy? Is someone coming round?’
And so our lives continued. C adopted the same slovenly habits that we had, and we have bumbled through with only the occasional exhausted freakout from me when I simply cannot cope with the mess, collapse in tears and order a clear up
There are times when our hovel looks very nice: times when we know that people are coming over, and we try to give the impression that we live effortlessly in our little home space. The truth is that I barely even know what is in the fridge most of the time.
Other than the wine in the door, of course
The hoover (it’s actually a skinny sixties-looking-throwback) is where I hang my bra when I bath. All vacuums deserve a bit of a diversion, it’s no fun for them either
People sometimes make ‘good-natured’ jokes about our lifestyle, but I pity them. It’s not that I like mess, but the alternative is to nag constantly. And nagging creates dog’s arse wrinkles, you know. I’ve seen them on the faces of people around me as they berate their spouses. I’ll stick to laughter lines, thank you. And mess
For our Christmas visitors we pulled the place together to look respectable. All of C’s art stuff was cleared away. As always I vowed that it would stay this way, and that we would ‘get on top of it’
But several weeks later I realise that we have rather let things slip. I know this because there’s a home-mummified frog on the dining table again, next to a vase of balletic dead roses, whose petals have shrivelled to linen. Both items are in fact part of C’s current GCSE resources, but they just add to the general impression of slobbery
So, having already spent 21 years together, Boy is now borderline alcoholic as well. Perhaps a little less Boyish than he was. He and Girl are still very much in love, and to their enormous joy and constant surprise there’s a beautiful, partly feral teenager in the house
And a dusty but really very sexy vacuum cleaner in the bathroom
Poshbird with Passion 
I can relate – I use to be a neat freak, but the older I get the less I care about being so neat and the more dust that seems to build on the furniture. Oh well! Thanks for sharing a great post – I enjoyed it. 🙂
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What a lovely romantic tale! Shrek and Fiona, perhaps? I too have found mummified lizards and giant spider webs all over the house…
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Oh dear! Has he neglected the house while you were gone? How are you feeling now, Kerry?
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Teddy doesn’t do housework unless asked…it is I who have been a less than proud hausfrau. Feeling better now, thank you.
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1. Dull women have immaculate houses 2. Love IS all you need 3. On the advice of my midwife following the birth of my second daughter, I used to keep the hoover plugged in and visible so it always looked as though I was about to passer l’aspirateur if someone decided I needed company! Great read you clear kindred, you!
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Great tip. Some midwives and health visitors are just ‘right’ for us, aren’t they!
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I absolutely adored Judy and my health visitor Liz. Probably the main reason I had four babies!!!!
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I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates housework – I had to clean up yesterday as the plumber was coming over to clear some tree roots out of the drains and unblock a couple of sinks (didn’t feel I could let him into the bathrooms otherwise). Even if I cleaned all the time with a couple of pets and now small children again (when our little granddaughters are over) it would still be messy so I don’t see the point of being too obsessive! The “we have friends coming over I better clean up” feeling I know well ..in fact we have some interstate friends visiting tomorrow so I will be stressing out in the morning trying to make everything respectable! Have a great weekend 🙂
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Superb. Gather ye followers, the rosebuds are lovely.
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Yes, brave of you to share … however I reckon many, many people live this way, particularly creative folk. I can relate entirely to your amusing post – I recall our family eating meals on trays for ages because the table was covered in GCSE and A level Art or Technology coursework that simply must not be disturbed!
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You’re so right. We eat in front of the telly rather than try to clear the table!
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You should see my house right now (in fact both my houses)………..and my office? HA!
Anyway , artistic chaos is perfectly acceptable, indeed essential
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This is why it’s great to have a blog. I feel vindicated 🙂
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That’s brave to admit your currently politically incorrect historical foibles.
I have , thus far, not posted on some of the darker elements of my past in case my followers run screaming fo the hills. Having said that, some of my darker posts have been very popular; it’s all about vicariously experiencing life through a third party I think
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This sounds so familiar. Are you writing my biography?
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Hahaha! Parallel lives x
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A woman after my own heart! Housework is such a waste of time. A brief feeling of virtuous euphoria after completing it only to see it all need re-doing the next day – if you are so inclined, which I’m not. It’s not really possible to be completely house proud in the dust department if you have three big dogs and various cats around the place but I’d rather have them than a show house. The only time it really bothers me is if somebody drops round ‘unexpectedly’ – which I try to discourage – then I suddenly notice what needs doing through the visitor’s eyes. .
1995 was the year our second daughter was born – she was 21 yesterday, where does the time go? Like your daughter, ours both seem to have inherited our ‘laissez faire’ attitude to tidying up.
p.s. I thought the frog was a brooch.
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I hesitated before I posted this because it’s one thing to know how you live and another to share it like this and invite criticism. So I really appreciate your comments. Oh, Froggy would make a great brooch. I’m not going to branch into taxidermy but I really couldn’t resist him x
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Probably more interesting (in my mind at least) to share the way it is, ‘real’ can be hard to come by. Like your posts and appreciate you spending time on mine, thanks. Trying to sort out where you live in France but will pick around some more. I spent time on the coast near the Spanish border south of Perpignan in Collioure and Port-Vendres. Was just now fantasizing about going back there for a couple nights, looking at a map of Europe and having a chance to get away while I’m here in southern Germany a bit longer. Right, on with the mummified frogs then. Bill
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Yeah, I’m really proud of my frog. Not planning to move into taxidermy though. Too squishy for me. Planning to make our first trip to Collioure area around Easter. Looks amazing
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It is totally freaking amazing. They do that odd, traditional Catholic penitentes parade with the hooded costumes around Easter, see that if you can. It’s very primitive.
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And happy birthday and congrats for daughter’s 21st. How amazing that must feel
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